Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Pshaw (Tuesday prayer for 8-14-2012)


(somewhat inspired by 1 Kings 2:10-12; 3:3-14)

Dear God:

Please edit the following recipe.  At this point it's just not clear and poorly titled.

"First, turn on music (Beethoven always seems appropriate but playing anything by Blood, Sweat and Tears fills the room with delicious smells of irony [or, if sarcasm is needed, any version of "Amazing Grace"])
- Take 5 parts knowledge
- Let experience warm/cool to room temperature and, then, mix in equal amounts (equal to something that just seems right) slowly
- Add beauty and bitter to taste (neither garnish nor dust, however)
- Take one part love (know that using an artificial substitute will not work)
- Find as much fear as you can.  Crush it thoroughly.  Set it aside (do not use [frequently toxic!]).  This exercise gets you ready for the next step.
- Mix 'til thoroughly, well, mixed.  I mean really, really mix.  This might take a long time.  I mean, like years, even.
- Allow ingredients to settle and set.
...
- Then mix like crazy until you're tired of mixing like crazy.
- Allow ingredients to settle and set.
...
- Allow ingredients to settle and set.
...
- Allow ingredients to settle and set.
...
- When everything is settled and set, wait a little longer.
...
- Debate with someone you trust whether or not it's settled and set.
- At the point your both admit you don't really know if it's settled and set, it's probably settled and set.  Probably.
- Find knife shaped like the Holy Spirit. Trim off parts that seem stale.  Don't worry that the knife is imprecise.  It is accurate.
- Macram√© a set of chopsticks and try to eat it.  If others are laughing at you, you're doing it right.
- Pass out spoons.  Distribute.  Keep your fingers crossed and exit the room.  Quickly. You really don't want to hear what they're about to say.

- Be happy to be done with the damn thing."

Like I said, "needs editing." This recipe makes no sense.  No sense at all.  Please correct, soon.  Noon tomorrow should be fine

Oh, and do fix the title:
"Wisdom in three easy steps."

Pshaw.
Balderdash.
Blahdityblahdityblahdityblah.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/65246579/10-inch-whisk-hanging-lamp
Amen.