Monday, January 30, 2012

1/31/12 Tuesday-ish Prayer

Dear God:

It’s easier to pray some times more than others.

There are those times that it feels as though the world is screaming in my ear.  I try and listen or try and speak and both feel fruitless in the echo chamber my mind becomes.

There are those times it feels as though my soul is pacing back and forth like a leopard in its cage.  My heart will not settle down.  My jaw clenches.  I feel so nervous I’m ill.

There are those times I’m holding on to some things too tightly; these things have sharp edges or no edges at all (like water or oil or air).  The one hurts and the other is endlessly frustrating.

Sometimes I am just
too
damn
tired.

Jesus had it right.  He’d go away and pray. 
(Part of me likes to think he was hiding, too, because I want hiding to be at least a little holy.)
I imagine him on that hill top staring out and seeking perspective; or down by the water seeking renewal; or lying on his back in the high grass under an early afternoon sun…

drifting…

off…

to sleep…
(From http://debsgarden.squarespace.com/)

I imagine those deep sighs.  I imagine that deal-making time with God and all that questioning.  I imagine the prayers seeking empathy and comfort and then…

the calming…

and, then, those deep breaths…

The sounds of wind and that sun and those clouds and the birds of the air and the lilies swaying in the field…

(Eventually, I know that those disciples come find Jesus to remind him of the work that needs to be done but, God, if its all the same with you I’d rather not imagine that
quite
yet.)

Amen.