Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Tuesday Prayer for 10/7/14: Wholiness



Dear God:
I get confused.
There are days I am sure my heart is in your heart and
Those days are good ones.
There is rest there and
fullness there and
purpose there
That is

Except on those days when its not.
On those days, it is like a churning sea

and
I seek out the little gods swept up in the waters and
I just want something to hold on to and
I reach and grasp that thing that seems as though it
might
float and
fit in
my
heart.
Somedays that is my hand
reaching for my wallet and
Somedays that is my hand
reaching for a doctrine and
Somedays that is my hand
reaching for a rule and
Somedays that is my hand
reaching for anything that floats.
It may be flotsam and jetsam,
(mere pieces of larger things
that have fallen apart for others)
but,
at that moment,
it is mine.  For at least a moment
it feels whole.

These little gods
buzz around my head
THREATENING
to sting so,
I
avoid them.  At first, a step away
seems like enough but then
I cross to the other side of the street but then
take another street but then
I go miles in the other direction just to avoid the THREAT
of a sting and then
am surprised when
I find
I am
off the path
and those
little gods that buzzed around my head have
had
their
way
and
are harassing
another
supposed
pilgrim.

These little gods... They call out through
a beep, a chime,
a light vibration
(that I react to like a thunder bolt).
I give their nagging
attention.
I
give them this moment.
This one.
This one.
This one.
Each one like a heartbeat that is lost
Given away as I reach into my pocket
Hold their temple in my folded hands
Bow my head
And then,
they prey.

These false gods I
give my life
to in
many
little
pieces until, some days, most of me is gone.

Help me find what is
Wholiness
(and to trust it when I find it is you).

Amen.